


I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa

by cynatnite



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Barney doesn't like Phil, Christmas, Clint Barton Feels, Clint Needs a Hug, Clint is the emotionally mature one, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mostly compliant with AOS and not so much Age of Ultron., Natasha Is a Good Bro, OH THE ANGST!, Phil Coulson Angst, Phil Needs a Hug, Phil has a son, Tony's gonna make snow, semi Kidfic, spoilers for episode s03 e10 Maveth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-06 22:51:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5433779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynatnite/pseuds/cynatnite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The secret is now out and Phil is forced to face his past and all those he left behind, most notably Clint Barton. Loss and betrayal are just a few of the stumbling blocks they have to overcome. On top of that is the surprise of a son he never knew he had and an archer who undoubtedly hates him more than being in love with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This picks up right after Agents of SHIELD episode Maveth. There are spoilers for that episode so be warned before proceeding.

**July 2014**

 

The flight from New York City hadn’t been the best. Getting through the thick crowds in the middle of July had Clint scowling. He and the Avengers were still trying to deal with the Hydra cells littering the planet. Just before leaving his apartment, he and Barney got into a yelling match over the phone. He’d wired the money his brother was asking for on the way to the airport.

Now, here Clint was in Portland, Oregon with the oppressive heat bearing down on him making his mood fouler by the second. Why Audrey wanted to see him after all this time was an impossible question to answer.

Phil was dead. Clint had taken it upon himself to break the news the last time he was here.

He hated remembering that. Clint was still trying to get his head together at the time. The friendship they’d found had helped them both. By the time he’d left, Clint felt he was ready to move on with his life.

They’d talked little since. Saving the world was a full time job. After SHIELD fell, it had turned into two full time jobs.

Clint shoved his backpack into the back of the cab and got inside. During the drive over, he thought back to their last contact. It’d been a brief phone call. He was on his way out of the country and before jumping on a quinjet, he’d called. She’d sounded breathless and happy. He could well imagine a new man in her life and he hoped that was the case. If anyone deserved it, she did.

Getting the guilt and grief out of the way hadn’t been easy. The team, mostly Natasha, had been there for him. He got through it and despite feeling Phil’s painful loss to this day, Clint was able to move on with his life. He’d go crazy otherwise. He knew his own head that well.

The taxi parked in front of a simple home with white-painted shutters and bright flowers. It was a picturesque setting and he stopped to admire it after paying the driver. Clint couldn’t imagine Audrey living anywhere else.

By the time he got to the porch, the door swung open. Audrey had a bright smile and he returned it with ease.

“Look at you,” Audrey grinned. She pulled Clint into a hug. “I’ve missed you.”

Clint returned it and stepped back, her hand still holding his.

“You look beautiful as always.”

Audrey smiled and pulled him inside. She took the backpack and set it on the floor.

“Do you still drink that horrible coffee?”

Clint followed her to the kitchen. “Yep. Nothin’ but sludge for us carnie folk.”

“I figured as much.” Audrey poured him a cup and handed it over.

“Thanks.”

“I haven’t had a cup of coffee since…” Audrey put her hands on her hips. “Oh, hell, I don’t know when.”

“Puts hair on your chest, they say.”

She laughed and Clint along with her.

“The last time I saw you, we both were quite the mess.”

Clint glanced down for a moment. “You pulled together pretty well. I’ve never seen you happier.”

Audrey blushed a little. “Well, it’s not hard to be when you appreciate just truly how precious life is.”

“True that.” Clint raised his cup in a toast.

He watched her inch forward.

“Do you mind if I drop a couple of bombs on you? There’s probably an etiquette to this thing such as waiting thirty minutes after a guest arrives before shocking the hell out of them.”

“Audrey, is something wrong?”

“No,” Audrey assured him. “I mean, yes, but no.”

“Okay,” Clint said slowly. He set the coffee on the counter. “So good news and bad news?”

She took hold of his hand again and placed it over her heart. Clint stilled at the tender moment and searched her eyes. He saw happiness, but something else, too.

“I’m going to show you something, Clint. I need you to not say a word at first. Give it a minute to soak in before you react. Promise?”

“Um…I’m gay,” Clint blurted.

Audrey laughed in that typical way which always made Clint smile.

“I promise.”

She cupped his cheek and then gently pulled him out of the kitchen. Audrey guided him down the hallway and they stopped in front of a closed door. She put a finger to her lips and he nodded.

When the door opened, Audrey went first and Clint followed. It took a moment for him to realize there was a crib in the corner. He moved closer and looked down. A baby slept with its fist on its mouth, covered in a beige blanket with giraffes.

“You have a baby,” Clint whispered in awe. He leaned closer and took in the tuft of blond/red hair. It made a little noise and Clint straightened.

“His name is Riley. He’s 21 months old.”

“He’s beautiful, Audrey.” Clint took another look at the child. “Phil would be so happy for you.”

“Clint…”

When Clint’s eyes met hers, the math came together quickly in his head. “He’s Phil’s, isn’t he?”

Clint turned his gaze back to the baby. Phil had a son. The realization of it made his heart lurch painfully. He reached over and barely touched Riley’s cheek. The unfairness of it all hurt even more. Riley would grow up never knowing the great man his father was.

Audrey put a hand on his arm. “Come on.”

They left the bedroom and Audrey had Clint sit on the sofa. She handed him a box of tissue and waited for him to dry his eyes.

“Sorry,” Clint whispered. “It’s just that…”

“I know. I was so happy that I forgot and called Phil’s cell. Crying on a kitchen floor isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

This time, Clint reached over and took her hand in his. “I’m sorry.”

“Phil had been gone a month when I figured out I was pregnant. The symptoms were all there and I went with the assumption it was stress.”

“You never told me.”

“I was still trying to get my own head together, Clint. Between having a baby on the way and mourning Phil, I was determined to put my life together. You’d been through so much and you needed time as well.”

“I wish you’d called.”

“Believe me, I do, too. It would make the rest of my news a lot easier.”

Clint waited while Audrey grabbed a tissue from the box, blew her nose and wiped her eyes.

“A few months ago, I got sick. It was a horrible flu and it didn’t want to go away. So, I went to my doctor.” She sighed and clenched Clint’s hand tighter. “He ran a few tests and then there was a biopsy.”

“What?”

“I have stage four pancreatic cancer.”

The news was like a body blow and Clint leaned over. Audrey’s hand caressed his back, calming him. It took a moment for Clint to find the words.

“Maybe it’s a mistake. I know people, Audrey. Stark, Banner, any of them could help.”

“Tony knows.”

“He knows? Stark never said a word.”

“I made him promise, Clint. He was the first person I called. I knew he’d do it for Phil.” Audrey bit her lip. “He flew me to Paris to see the best doctors in the world. I had an operation and they removed what they could. We thought it was in remission, but it came back.”

“Jesus.”

“Survival rates are low. It was a long shot, but I had to take it for Riley’s sake.”

Thor, Clint thought. If he could get in touch with Thor, maybe Audrey might have a chance with Asgard medicine.

“Clint, I need you to listen to me. There are things that need done and I don’t have anyone else I can turn to.”

Clint shot off the sofa. “No, you listen to me. You’re not giving up. Stark doesn’t know everything and everyone. Hell, Thor’s people can…”

“You have to accept this, Clint. Please,” she implored. Audrey got to her feet and made Clint look at her. “It’s too late for me, but not for Riley. The next steps I make are for him until I can’t make anymore.”

“Audrey, I don’t know if I can do this,” Clint begged. Riley shouldn’t know the loss of two parents and he would do everything he could to keep that from happening.

“One of the things Phil and I had in common was the fact we both had no families left. We both were only children.”

“What are you telling me?”

“I have to find Riley a good home. I’ve spoken with an adoption agency…”

“No!” Clint didn’t know he yelled until after he’d said it. He took a deep breath and lowered his voice. “You can’t, Audrey. Please, don’t do that to him.”

“Clint, they can find him good parents who will love him.”

“Who’ll tell him?”

“What?” Audrey had a bewildered expression on her face.

“Someone has to tell him about Phil, his Dad. If you…you…” Clint couldn’t say the word.

“Die,” Audrey calmly supplied.

“He needs to know about his parents and how much they love him.”

The last words broke him and Clint went down to one knee. Audrey knelt next to him.

“Oh, Clint.”

Clint cried in her arms. He cried for himself, for never telling Phil he loved him, for Audrey who was too full of life to die and for Riley. Seeing a little boy with Phil’s eyes and Audrey’s smile who’d never know his parents had him crying harder than he ever had in his life.

~*~

When Clint woke in the guest room, he’d momentarily forgotten everything. Then he remembered Audrey bringing him to the bedroom and helping him to bed. Nighttime had settled and the house was quiet.

Coming to a realization had startled him awake. Clint pushed off the covers and slipped out of bed. He went down the hallway to Audrey’s room and tapped on the door.

“Audrey,” Clint whispered. “Are you awake?”

“Come in, Clint.”

Clint did and seeing her on the bed made him pause. She was much thinner than he realized. Her skin pale made him see just how sick she was.

He went to the bed and sat next to her.

“I know there’s things that’s got to be done and I’ll do whatever you want, Audrey. You’ve got my word on that. Everything’ll be done to the letter. But, there’s something I want to say first before you give Riley over to an adoption agency.”

“What is it?”

Clint readied for a refusal and steadied himself.

“I’ll raise him. Me.” He saw the stunned look on her face. “Just hear me out. My job right now isn’t the most stable or safe, but I can change that. Stark’s been after me to help train his baby recruits at Avenger HQ. It’ll mean being there most nights unless the Avengers can’t do without me which isn’t that much, to be honest. I can get a real home for us. Not some apartment in the city, but something with a yard and trees. Lots of flowers. He’d have Avengers for uncles and an aunt, if Natasha doesn’t cap me for telling Riley to call her that.”

“Clint, I don’t think you realize what you’re saying.”

“I do, I swear I do,” Clint quickly answered. “Riley has to know you and Phil. I don’t trust anyone else to do it the right way.” He shook his head. “I know you’ve got no reason to think I won’t fuck this up, Audrey, but I swear I’ll love him as much as you do and as much Phil would’ve.”

Audrey just gazed into his eyes and Clint couldn’t gage what she was thinking. He watched her shift over in the bed.

“Come here,” she said with a motion of her hand.

Clint crawled in next to her and they put their arms around one another.

“Truth time, Clint. You loved him.”

She was talking about Phil and Clint was ready to deny it.

“How long?” Audrey prodded.

“Six years,” Clint admitted. “Probably longer. We got holed up in a hut outside Lima, Peru. We were patching each other up while waiting for extraction.”

Classified didn’t matter anymore since Natasha had become the Snowden of the day. Plus, Audrey had a right to know everything.

“Why didn’t you tell him?” She carefully asked.

He chuckled a little. “Tell my very straight handler that his gay ex-carnie asset wanted him to be more than my SO.”

“Phil wouldn’t have hurt you, Clint. Surely you know that.”

“Yeah, I think so. I didn’t want to be transferred to another handler.”

Audrey softly laughed. “Phil was too professional for his own good sometimes.”

“Well, he had you.”

“He could’ve had more if he’d wanted, but SHIELD would always come first. That was one competition I would have lost hands down.”

Clint couldn’t argue that. SHIELD had been Phil’s life.

“He talked about you…a lot, actually.” Audrey’s eyes twinkled as she spoke. “He said he’d never known a more giving soul than you. No matter how cocky you were, drove him crazy with your penchant for practical jokes, you went above and beyond to do right for complete strangers.” She raised her head and propped her elbow up to look at Clint. “He told me a story about you once.”

“Oh?” Clint wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear this.

“It was some carnival in Spain. This little boy was trying to win a Captain America shield. Phil said it was nothing but painted cardboard. You knew the game was rigged, but played it anyway. After losing an acceptable number of times, you won and gave it to the boy.”

“I remember.”

“Phil said you could’ve gotten it easily on the first try, but you didn’t.”

“Carnie folks don’t make much,” Clint mumbled.

“Phil may never have admitted it, but he cared deeply for you, Clint.” Audrey rolled to her back and grinned. “He wasn’t that straight, you know. His college years were quite colorful from what he’d told me.”

“He always seemed a little too buttoned up,” Clint told her. “There was a wild man hiding under that perfectly pressed suit. I was sure of it.”

“You knew him better than you think, Clint.” She turned her head. “I think you’re right.”

“About what?”

“Riley needs to know us and I can’t think of a better person than you.”

“Audrey, are you sure?”

There were tears in her eyes. “I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life. You will make a great father for Riley.”

Clint took Audrey in his arms and closed his eyes. “I promise, Audrey. Riley will always come first.”


	2. Chapter 2

Looking at the perfectly spaced suits and the aligned ties hanging in his closet, Phil Coulson remembered the last time he wore a tie. Rosalind had done it for him. He could’ve come to love her. He wasn’t sure, though. They were so much alike, still suspicious of one another despite having slept together.

Rosalind was dead. So was Trip and the many others that Phil hated himself for not remembering all their names. Guilt ate at him over killing Grant Ward. Not for the taking of his life when he was down. No, Phil would never be sorry he did it. That’s where the guilt came from. He should feel remorse. It was so unlike him not to. So much so that he’d told Mack to keep at the job as Director of SHIELD.

Phil wasn’t worthy of the position that Fury had put so much trust in him to fulfill.

He brought up the new hand attached to his implant. Just another reminder of how far he was from the idealist Phil Coulson used to be and the stranger he was now.

SHIELD had always been the protector of what was right. Phil had kept faith in the organization most of his adult life and he’d been given the task of rebuilding SHIELD into what it was supposed to be.

Everything he had done up to the moment Rosalind was killed had been just for that.

The suits in his closet taunted him, reminded him and he hated them. Phil reached in with his mechanical hand and jerked them off the hangers not caring about the seams ripping from one another. He grabbed the large hangers with the numerous ties, mangled the metal with his mechanical fist and threw them to the floor along with everything else.

He hadn’t even heard the door open, but when he looked up Melinda was coming into his quarters.

“I haven’t worn them in months,” Phil informed her.

Stoic as ever, Melinda folded her arms. “You need to pack.”

“Why?” Phil was still angry, but not at her. He was instantly sorry for his tone.

“I’m having a quinjet drop you off at the Bali safe house.”

“Last I checked, you’re not the director.”

Phil grabbed a couple of the torn shirts from the floor and tossed them in a trash can.

“The orders came from Mack. He wants you to take a week off.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have left him in charge,” Phil bit out.

“He won’t relinquish the job until you’ve taken some time off to get your head together, Phil.” Melinda came over and went for the black duffle bag on the floor. She tossed it on the bed. “I agree with him. Get packed.”

“What the hell am I going to do for a week in Bali?”

“Rest, lay under the sun, snorkel or get laid. Take your pick or all of the above, Phil.” She moved closer to him. “You’ve gone non-stop since Fury handed you the Bus. It’s time for you to stop for a little while. Let life catch up to you.”

“Will I even get to take my phone?”

Melinda always surprised him when she smiled a little while not undercover.

“Everyone is under strict orders not to talk shop should you call.”

“A full seven days.” The affirmation was in her eyes and Phil stepped over the tattered suits to the bed. He opened the duffle and began packing.

It was good that everyone saw him off. Afterwards, everyone would separate for the upcoming holiday. Skye – no, Daisy – was leaving with Fitzsimmons to spend Christmas with them. Melinda was flying out to see her parents. She’d told him they actually agreed to be in the same room together. Phil had smiled at that. He suspected his friend needed it more than she’d admit.

Phil was strapping in as the quinjet lifted off. He took a drink from the bottled water and snacked on the strawberry Twizzlers Daisy had stuffed in his pocket. He rested his head against the seat and the thrum of the engines put him to sleep.

He was jarred awake when the quinjet landed. Phil glanced at his watch and then at the pilot.

“What’s wrong? Why’ve we landed so early?”

By his calculations, they still had at least two hours of flying left to do.

“I’m sorry, sir,” the pilot said. “I lost control of the stick just before we landed.”

“Weapon,” Phil ordered. He unbuckled and got to his feet. Phil opened up a compartment and grabbed the icer. As the ramp began lowering, he readied for a fight.

It was a lone figure that stood not far from the opening of the quinjet. Phil dropped his aim when he recognized the man.

“Stark?”

Tony Stark moved forward. Phil had never seen him so furious.

“I always took Fury for the fucking lying spy-king of your little organization, but Agent, I’ve got to say, you beat him hands down.”

Phil motioned for the pilot to lower his weapon. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“You think the Avengers quit looking at space after New York?” Tony asked arching his eyebrow.

“You’ve been hanging around Natasha too long.”

Tony had a sardonic laugh. “I wouldn’t say her name too loudly right now. We found you out, Coulson! A wormhole anomaly is going to be detected by my satellite. You might as well have flashed a neon sign!”

“I see.”

“So, I did little reconnaissance on my own and came upon the ruins of a once state-of-the-art Frankenstein castle and what do you think I found?”

“I can well imagine,” Phil responded dryly.

“The remains of retrofitted Stark Industries weapons. I gotta admit, Coulson, you’ve got some class one talent in your little band of SHIELD agents. I don’t know whether to hire them away from you or kick your ass for a multitude of reasons, one of which is being dead when you’re so much alive.”

“And you knew I was on this particular quinjet.”

Tony sighed and stepped off the ramp. “The communications telemetry gave you away once I zeroed in on the anomaly. If the Avengers hadn’t had their hands full at the time we might’ve joined your little party. Tracking you was easy once you got back from your trip to wherever the hell you went.”

“Does anyone else know?”

“In about fifteen minutes they will. I called a meeting and you’re the surprise.”

“Stark, they can’t know I’m alive.” Phil had to convince him.

Tony stormed back up the ramp and got in Phil’s face. “You don’t get to make that decision for us anymore!”

He turned around and walked out. Over his shoulder, Tony yelled, “Get your ass off the quinjet and follow me!”

Resigned to his fate, Phil sighed and did as he was told.

~*~

Clint had just paired the recruits to practice some hand-to-hand drills when Natasha met him near the mats in the gym. He glanced in her direction.

“Lassiter would be good for your advanced class. She’s got some real talent for kicking ass.”

“Good. Come on. We’ve got a meeting.”

“I’m in the middle of a class, Tash. It’ll have to wait.”

Natasha eyed the student Clint was referring to. “Lassiter.”

The young woman turned. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Take over.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

When Natasha started for the door, Clint hurried to catch up to her.

“What’s so important that I can’t finish the class?”

“Stark called it.”

Clint rolled his eyes as he opened the door. “Remember the last time? He tried bribing us to go to that stupid movie premier.”

“You went.”

“Only because none of us were going until he turned it into a fundraiser for cancer kids. Jesus, who could say no to that. And for the record, I’m not going this time even if it’s for puppies who need prosthetics.”

“You enjoyed yourself well enough,” she reminded him.

“I used to be a spy, remember? Besides, I was happy to be ignored by the press. They don’t even know who Hawkeye is anymore.”

“We still get inquiries from time to time. You need to be in the field more often.”

“You should get that Bishop kid. She’s a helluva good archer.”

“Clint,” Natasha said with an impatient sigh.

“I’m serious. She’s good. She’d keep Stark in check.”

Seeing the look out of the corner of her eye, Clint let them walk silently for a moment.

“Stark said he had a new gamma tracking system. It was Friday’s idea.”

“Shut up.”

“Nat, it might work.”

“He’s not dead. That’s enough for me.”

“It’s not, but I’ll let it slide.” Bruce Banner was still a tender subject for Natasha. Clint had caught her more than once with a slight redness in her eyes.

They arrived at the conference room and Natasha reached for the door. Clint went through to see Steve and Maria Hill waiting.

“Anyone have a clue what this is about?” Clint asked. He strolled to the coffee and poured a cup.

“You know Tony,” Maria said. “He always plays his surprises close to the vest.”

“Surprises?” Steve asked. “That’s what he told you?”

Maria shrugged.

“Where’s Sam?” Natasha asked Steve. It was no secret that Steve had sent Sam out on discreet inquiries from time to time.

“The VA in DC. He’s taking care of a friend.”

The door came open and everyone turned to see Tony come. The billionaire held it open for another figure that hesitantly entered the room.

The entire room froze in shock as Phil Coulson, the dead agent who had been key in starting the Avenger Initiative, silently entered.

Silence was broken when the coffee cup slipped from Clint’s hand and crashed to the floor. Tony crossed in front of Maria. She was not in the least bit surprised.

“You’re owed an explanation and it will take some time,” Phil began.

“I’d say so,” Steve said after finding his voice.

Clint couldn’t move or breathe. All he saw was Phil Coulson alive, the man he’d practically killed standing in front him as if he’d never been stabbed through the chest by a maniacal demigod.

“Nat,” he whispered.

“I see him,” Natasha muttered in a low voice.

Maria stepped forward. “Everyone, just calm down. Let’s take a minute before anyone starts lobbing accusations.”

“You knew?” Steve had raised his voice.

“You are so fired,” Tony stated. “First Fury and now Coulson. Any more not-dead SHIELD agents we need to know about?”

“That’s not your decision to make, Stark,” Steve told him. “Hill doesn’t work for you. She works for the Avengers and the call’s mine.” He turned his attention to Maria. “Wouldn’t you say, Maria?”

Before she could answer, Natasha moved from her spot surprising Clint. She stopped in front of Phil.

“You fucking bastard,” Natasha said gritting her teeth. She then pulled him into her arms.

Clint saw the shudder of her shoulders and he knew she was struggling not to lose it in front of the room. She stepped back and went to the other side of the room away from Phil. His eyes were still on her when he heard his name.

“Barton.” It was Phil’s voice. “Clint.”

He whipped his head around to Phil, the man he’d loved and thought he’d never see again. Instead of relief and joy, rage surged through Clint. His fists still clenched, he strode over to Phil and swung feeling the warm flesh contact his.

When the red hot anger cleared, Steve was pulling him back and Phil was on the floor.

“You…you…” Clint was breathing hard, furious and hoping Phil would get up so he could hit him again. Instead, his former handler looked up at him as he wiped the blood off his nose with the back of his hand. “My house tomorrow night. Nineteen hundred hours. Be there!”

He jerked away out of Steve’s hold and stormed from the room.

Phil was helped to his feet by Steve.  

“Where do you think he’ll dispose of my body if I go?” Phil asked.

Tony handed Phil a handkerchief. “I’d be more worried about what he’d do if you didn’t.”

After wiping the blood away, Phil glanced at Natasha. “Is there anything I need to know ahead of time.”

“It’s not my place to say.”

Natasha left the room and Phil sighed. He hadn’t been surprised by Clint’s reaction. Phil knew little of how Clint spent his time these days. He’d tracked his former asset long enough to make sure he still lived. Knowing that Clint was with the Avengers and recovered from Loki and the loss of SHIELD had made it easier to keep his distance.

“Your pilot is on his way back,” Tony informed him. “I’d rather not have your people showing up here uninvited so you better let them know you didn’t quite make it to Bali.”


	3. Chapter 3

After Maria left to show Phil where he’d be staying, Steve glanced at Tony.

“Think you can take it easy for once?”

“Hey, I’m not the guy that’s been playing zombie for the last three years, seven months…”

“Stop it, Tony,” Steve chastised. “Did you even get a look at Coulson? The man’s been through hell.”

“And the rest of us hasn’t had more than our share of Lifetime movie events? I shouldn’t have to remind you of my murder-bot fiasco or the doomed lovers scenario that Romanov’s going through right now.”

“And did you happen to notice Coulson’s left hand or did that escape your attention while you’ve been pissed at him.” Tony opened his mouth to speak and Steve held up his finger in warning. “Don’t say it, Tony.”

With a huff, Tony nodded. “Fine. Yes, I noticed and no, I don’t care. I’ve lost people, Steve. We both have. The good ones don’t do what Coulson did.”

“During the war, I saw men come back after a hard battle, who’d watched their buddies blown to pieces. Before Bucky…” Steve faltered for a moment. “When I got Bucky back, I saw how tired and haunted he looked after what they did to him. Bucky, these men…all of us, Tony. At one time or another we all had that same look Coulson’s got in his eyes now. Including you. Pepper told me about you after the Chitauri.”

“That might work on me, but you saw Barton. In no way is he interested in sharing a candlelit spaghetti dinner with Coulson in an alley.”

Steve almost smiled. Tony most always used references he understood.

“They’ll work it out or not. We’re not helping things along.”

Tony wasn’t happy with it one bit. He always got involved with things that were none of his business. It was second nature.

“Hey, were you serious about making it snow by Christmas?” Steve asked.

“As long as Mother Nature promises the right temperature, I’ll provide the white stuff.”

“Has anyone ever told you you’re not God, Tony?” Steve started for the door.

“Always and I prove them wrong every single time.”

~*~

With Maria at his side, Phil made the call to Melinda. He wasn’t quite sure whether to be concerned or not when she expressed no surprise at the development. When he pried for details on operations, Melinda wished him a Merry Christmas and hung up on him.

The quarters Phil was taken to appeared far more comfortable than his own. For the last few years, since Fury handed the reins of SHIELD over him, he’d made due with an uncomfortable cot. The main room was a living area with a small kitchen. The bedroom and bath were through another door. His duffle bag had already been delivered.

He grabbed it up and went to the bedroom with Maria following him. Phil set it on the bed and yanked it open. Clint was still foremost in his mind.

“How’s the hand?” Maria asked leaning in the doorframe.

“You noticed? I didn’t think anyone else did.”

“It looks a bit unwieldy. Stark could…”

Phil scoffed before she could finish the sentence.

“If he had his way, he’d call me Agent Hook and I’d have the prosthesis to match.” It wasn’t Tony’s furious face he was seeing. It was the look of utter betrayal on Clint’s.

After emptying the duffle, Phil went to the dresser and opened a drawer.

“Why didn’t you tell them?”

Maria shifted from the doorframe before answering. “You didn’t want them to know.”

“I never said not to tell them,” he reminded her.

“No, but if you had wanted them to know you would’ve done it already.”

She was right and Phil sat on the bed. “Every time I considered it, there was a multitude of reasons not to. SHIELD fell and when Fury gave me the job of director it was a given the more secrecy, the better for us.” He sighed, feeling older than ever. “The directorship should’ve been yours. I had no business accepting it.”

“Jesus, Phil,” Maria said with a shake of her head. “I didn’t want it.” She moved to sit next to him. “Remember when you asked for support and I didn’t give it? You were pissed as hell I walked away.”

“Yes.”

“SHIELD was gone and so many I trusted, people I called friends some who were closer to me than my own family, turned out to be Hydra. Most of those that didn’t wound up dead.” Maria looked away from him and down at her hands. “I wanted as far from it as I could get. Working for Tony Stark did that and I could still do some good with the Avengers. You may not want to hear this, but I’ve never regretted that decision.”

“I’ve made a mess of it, Maria. Be glad you did.”

“Phil, what the hell happened to you?” She leaned closer to him.

Phil stood, unwilling to allow any comfort. He grabbed some shirts off the bed.

“I’m not the Director of SHIELD.”

That’s all Phil could say and as he put his things away, Maria left.

~*~

It was as if he was reliving it all over again. Clint found a spot between the buildings among the storage containers to be alone. He planted his hands on the wall and leaned forward, resting his head against the cement. Closing his eyes, he remembered Loki, the fight with Natasha and in the aftermath crumbling when she told him Phil was dead. The grief and regret tore at him just as sharply now as it did then.

The Clint of old would have put a fist into the cement wall uncaring of the damage. He breathed in and out trying to let go of the rage and pain. Thinking of Riley would always ease his anger, but not this time. Seeing the little boy who called him Daddy, smiled at him as if he held the universe made Clint nearly cry.

He’d do right by Riley. No matter the cost to himself.

Hearing a step, Clint swung around. Natasha stood far enough away to give him the right amount of space. She always knew what he needed.

“Just one question, Clint.”

“You want to know why I told him to come to the house.” She knew him too damn well sometimes.

“This is the worst possible time for you to be noble.”

“Riley is Phil’s.”

“He’s yours!” Clint was surprised by her vehemence. “You have raised and loved Riley as your own since Audrey died!”

“You think this is easy for me! I’d die for him, but he’s not mine and he deserves his father…his real father, Nat!”

“And your real father was a fucking bastard to you and your brother. It takes a helluva lot more than blood to be a father, Clint.”

“Phil deserves to know his son,” Clint said in a low voice.

“No one is saying he doesn’t, but giving Riley to Phil doesn’t make it the right thing to do.”

“Phil was a real bastard for playing dead on us, Tash, but you can’t tell me he would’ve still done it knowing he had a son.” She said nothing. “Tomorrow night, he’ll meet Riley and I’ll tell him everything.”

“Everything, Clint?”

He licked his dry lips and sighed. “As far as Riley’s concerned, yeah. He’s Phil’s son and I’m not standing in his way.”

Natasha walked over to Clint and placed her hands on his cheeks.

“Promise me something.”

“I’ll try,” he whispered.

“You got the shock of your life a few minutes ago and you’re still reeling from it. Don’t make any rash decisions for a while. Give it some time before you do something you’ll regret.”

He nodded. “I’ll try. See if Steve will take over my classes. Kate Bishop can run a few of the weapons drills. I need some time before Phil comes over.”

Natasha kissed his cheek. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

Clint leaned against the wall as Natasha left. He hadn’t changed his mind. He’d need the time to prepare for the inevitable. Riley was Phil’s son and he belonged with his father.

~*~

Feeling drained, Phil had crawled into bed after a hot shower and went immediately to sleep. He woke four times through the night. Two of those were due to nightmares that kept him up and pacing. When 5am rolled around, Phil gave up going back to sleep.

It was an hour later when he found the cantina. With only six days until Christmas, there were only a smattering of trainees and staff left in the facility. Phil grabbed a tray and after considering his choices, he got fruit, an over easy fried egg, piece of toast and coffee. It was a large breakfast for him.

He went to a table in the corner and sat with his back to the wall while keeping an eye on the entrance. Phil stabbed at his eggs when he began calculating escape routes. He had never gotten out of the habit after so many years.

Phil was surprised when Steve sat down in front of him with a tray loaded with two stacks of pancakes, three cartons of milk and four apples.

“Not afraid to be seen with me?” Phil asked with a hint of smile.

“I’m always up for good company,” Steve told him.

Looking away, Phil added jelly to his toast. “Most would disagree, especially me.”

“Do you remember our ride to the hellicarrier?”

“I made a terrible impression when meeting my childhood hero,” Phil admitted.

Steve couldn’t help but smile. “You told me the world needed old-fashioned heroes and what I represented. I never forgot that, sir.”

Phil huffed a laugh. “Just Phil. You outrank me.”

“If you’ll call me Steve.”

Phil nodded and took a sip of coffee.

“I have your cards,” Steve stated. He took a deep breath trying to ignore the stunned look on Phil’s face. “No one ever asked and I just kept them.”

“Are you asking if I want them back?”

“I wasn’t the old fashioned hero, Phil. You were.” Steve set down his fork and leaned forward. “Anyone that’s willing to put his life on the line to save others is a hero. I think that’s why you don’t have both hands. Am I right?”

Phil’s eyes went to the black prosthetic. “It wasn’t enough,” he murmured. He looked up at Steve. “I’m on a forced vacation because I wasn’t being a hero. I went in for entirely personal and vengeful reasons.”

Steve said nothing and Phil wiped his mouth, then set it on the tray. He wasn’t hungry anymore.

“You brought SHIELD down,” Phil told him. “It was compromised and Hydra had to be dragged into the light of day at great personal cost. I know about Barnes and what he meant to you, still means, I think. You didn’t let your desire to save him stand in the way of saving millions of lives. I put lives at risk for vengeance and I didn’t care about the costs. I’m not the man you met on the quinjet. That Phil Coulson is dead.”

Phil picked up his tray and left. Even as tired as he felt, he had the need to work off some energy and a gym was in order. It crossed his mind that he could leave Avengers HQ with little notice. He didn’t need any more reminders of the past no matter how much of it was left undone.

~*~

It was later that afternoon which Phil found Natasha doing her yoga exercises outside near the trees away from the main building. It offered enough privacy that she wouldn’t be bothered or easily found. He still had some spy skills left.

Natasha was on the mat arching her back with leg forward and stretching. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye as she maneuvered into another position.

“I wondered if you’d find me before I finished.”

“Clint doesn’t have quarters here.”

“Fifteen miles from here is a cute hamlet of a town. Clint bought a house.”

“You wouldn’t mind giving me the address, would you?”

Natasha raised her eyebrow and Phil swore she almost smiled at him.

“What do I have to do?”

“Twice a day,” Natasha stated as she got to her feet. “Six in the morning and three in the afternoon.”

“I’m not up for sparring.”

“You look like shit, Phil.”

“How many times are you going to want to kick my ass for what I did?”

Then she did smile and Phil followed her to a tree where a bottle of water sat. Natasha took a drink.

“I’m over it.”

He was sure he misheard her. “What?”

“I don’t believe in wasted energy,” Natasha simply replied. “Holding onto anger longer than necessary is that.”

Natasha, Phil thought. Practical as always.

“Tai Chi is 6am. Yoga is later. I expect to see you for both.”

“If I agree, you’ll give me Clint’s address.” Phil shook his head. “Doesn’t sound like you’ve gotten over it that much.”

“Phil, consider it a doctor’s order.”

“Fine,” Phil said with resignation. “I’ll be there.”

Victorious, Natasha set the water down and that was when Phil noticed the second mat. She picked it up and tossed it next to hers.

“Get barefoot. I’ll give you Clint’s address after our first session.”

 Phil slipped off his shoes and socks, then walked to join Natasha.

“I’d almost forgotten how good your instincts are. You knew I’d come.”

Natasha began with a simple stretch and Phil copied it.

“He’ll shut you out, but don’t let him,” Natasha told him. “If you let him have his way because of some misguided sense of guilt, I will kick your ass.”

“Misguided isn’t the word I’d choose.”

“Phil, if there’s one thing I know about you since the day we met is that mission came first. Guilt was trained out of me in the Red Room, but you taught me when I came to SHIELD that it had a place and a purpose.”

When he mimicked Natasha’s next move, Phil struggled to keep his balance. He felt a bit like Lord of the Dance when he stretched out his arm towards the sky.

“What makes you think my guilt doesn’t have a place and a purpose now?”

“Nicholas Rowe,” Natasha stated keeping her focus. “He said, ‘guilt is the source of sorrows, the avenging fiend that follows us behind with whips and stings’. It compels us to move forward and make right when it is within our power. Remember?”

Phil thought back to the conversation he’d had with her upon their first meeting when Clint had brought her to SHIELD. It had been key in Natasha’s decision to remain with them.

“You won’t get anywhere with Clint if allow your guilt to get in the way.”

“You’re not going to tell me the reason why he wants to see me, are you?”

Natasha turned her head slightly as she eased into another pose. Not another word was said as Phil mirrored her.


	4. Chapter 4

Using Natasha’s car, Phil drove to the address she’d given him. When he parked at the curb and gazed at the house, he couldn’t have been more surprised. In years past, Clint’s apartment in the city was furnished just enough to meet his needs despite the erratic schedule. This was far from what Phil expected.

A neatly trimmed lawn with row of bushes surrounded the two story home. The large porch was decorated with lights and a twinkling plastic Santa stood in front of it next to a reindeer. The entire scene could’ve been right out of a Hallmark card when he saw a wreath on a door surrounded by garland.

Phil got out of the car and took in the Christmas décor as he stepped onto the porch. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves and after a moment, he finally knocked. Phil waited. He was starting to think Clint had changed his mind when the door opened.

Clint looked better than ever, Phil thought. He wore a midnight blue button down shirt and dark jeans which brought out the sharp hazel/gold eyes.

“Hi.” Phil couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Stepping aside, Clint said, “Come on in. I’ve got coffee.”

“Sounds good.” Phil nervously moved past him into the living room. He slid off his coat and hung it on the coat rack in the foyer.

As Clint left him to get coffee, Phil took a moment to look around. The room was inviting. Homey and warm were the only words that came to mind. A Christmas tree stood in the corner of the room with numerous brightly wrapped gifts of all shapes and sizes. Built-ins surrounded the fireplace which had photos on the mantel. Before he had a chance to scrutinize them, Clint returned with a cup.

“Have a seat,” Clint said.

Phil took the couch while Clint sat in the chair across from him. Rather than the furious and betrayed Clint Barton he’d expected, he was welcomed with a cup of coffee, a good one at that.

“This is delicious,” Phil commented.

“It was your preferred brand when you were my handler,” Clint said.

“Sorry. It’s been a while.”

The conversation lulled into an awkward silence and Clint finally broke it by pointing out the elephant in the room.

“So, you were dead.”

“For a while, actually. A very long while.”

“How long?”

“I’m not exactly sure. Possibly several days.”

Clint leaned back in the chair waiting for Phil to continue.

“The best I can figure is that about a year before Puerto Antiguo, Fury put me in charge of a project called TAHITI. It was designed for the sole purpose of bringing an Avenger back to life should one meet his or her end. It was a failure because of the deleterious effect it was having on the test subjects. I had their minds wiped and they were given new identities away from SHIELD. If Fury hadn’t ended the project, I was going to tender my resignation.”

“I remember Sitwell taking over as handler during that time. You were pretty much incognito. No one knew why. Not even Hill.”

“It was off the books.”

“So,” Clint said running his thumb on the rim of his cup. “You were the next test subject. In your case, call it a success. You’re here with memory intact.”

“Far from it,” Phil admitted. “It was selective memory tampering. The after effects did have a detrimental effect. With the help of my team, I recovered.”

Clint sipped his coffee. “Your team.”

Phil’s eyes met Clint’s. “I was given a new team and with a new mission. To track, investigate and eliminate rising threats. We were living in a different world after Loki.”

“And tell me how is it that Natasha and I weren’t included with your **new** team?”

“You both had moved beyond Strike Team Delta and SHIELD.”

Clint laughed before Phil could continue. “Wow, that’s mighty fucking sensei of you, Coulson.”

“I’m not sure what more you want from me, Clint,” Phil said in a low voice.

Jerking forward in his seat, Clint glared at him. “How about picking up the goddamn phone? Or maybe even a fucking postcard!”

“Clint…”

“What the hell were we to you? Were we so goddamn easily replaceable that you could walk away after the years Natasha and I worked for you? Bhutan, Istanbul, Marquette? What about Budapest, Phil? Fucking Budapest!” Clint shook his head and leaned back. “The three of us were trapped for four fucking days in a hovel bleeding all over the place.”

“I remember.”

“Wasn’t sure you did with all that reorganizing that went on in your head,” Clint muttered.

Phil didn’t know what to say to that. He took another glance at the photos, but they blurred before him. He wiped his eyes.

“You’ve done well for yourself,” Phil commented. “This is a nice home.”

“I had a reason to get my act together after everything.”

A wife, husband or boyfriend, Phil surmised. It would make sense that Clint would meet someone. He was surprised at his own jealousy arising at the thought of someone being so intimate with Clint. They’d had their moments in the past. Not sexual in nature, but a closeness that few people ever understood. Phil had always enjoyed knowing he was the only one, aside from Natasha, that Clint ever let so close. Thinking about it brought about more regrets and guilt.

Hearing the slamming of a car door, Phil looked up to see Clint getting to his feet.

“Looks like my reason finally showed up.”

The door opened and Phil saw a small form racing towards Clint. It was a child that had landed in his arms and look of pure joy on Clint’s face was one for the record books. Phil was gob smacked at seeing how happy his former asset was.

“Daddy!”

Clint grinned as he took the winter cap off Riley’s head. “Hey, kid. Have fun at the party?”

“Yes,” Riley grinned. “Blue koo-aid!”

“Let me see,” Clint said. He inspected the blue tongue. “Yep, you need a trip to the ice cream counter to take care of that.”

Riley giggled.

Phil was entranced by the scene playing out before him.  Clint had a son. Nothing could have shocked him more.

Another figure moved inside and Phil glanced over. He nearly as surprised to see Barney, Clint’s brother taking off his coat. The man gave Phil a hard glare before turning back to Clint.

“Hope we interrupted something,” Barney bit out.

Clint got to his feet and handed Barney Riley’s coat. “Settle down,” he muttered. “Now’s not the time.”

Barney tightened his mouth and nodded. Clint picked Riley up and walked towards Phil.

“Hey, Riley. This is Phil. He’s a friend of mine.”

The boy gazed at Phil with uncertainty and he wasn’t quite sure how to proceed.

“Hello, Riley,” Phil said. “Did you go to a party today?”

Riley turned his head and buried his face in Clint’s shoulder. Phil watched how Clint gave the boy’s shoulder a comforting rub.

“Hey, kiddo. It’s okay,” Clint soothed. “He’s a friend.”

Riley just clutched him tighter and Clint gave Phil an apologetic look.

“He gets that way with people he doesn’t know. He’ll warm up before you know it.”

“Of course. I understand.”

Clint turned towards Barney who had stayed to witness the meeting. Phil knew a protective stance when he saw it. He took a step back and wondered if he should leave.

“Could you get his bath done? I’ll be up in a little while,” Clint asked his brother.

“Yeah, bro.” Riley easily went to Barney.

Phil watched Barney take his nephew up the stairs and then he looked at Clint.

“You have a son.” Phil was still in awe of the love Clint shared with Riley. “I’m happy for you.”

“We’ll see how long that lasts.” Clint picked up the coffee cups and took them in the kitchen with Phil following.

“What do you mean?”

Clint poured the remaining coffee out and set the cups in the sink. He turned around and leaned against the counter.

“The reason you’re here is because of Riley.”

“I’m not following.”

“Audrey was Riley’s mother, Phil. He’d just turned two when she died.”

The news was a punch to the stomach. Phil felt the air leave his lungs.

“How?” He remembered how full of life and happy she always strived to be.

“Cancer. It hit fast and hard. There wasn’t anything anyone could do.”

Phil blinked back the tears. His knees felt weak.

“I don’t understand.”

“She had no one,” Clint roughly explained.

“You and Audrey?” Phil was confused. How had they even met?

“I was the one that told her you died. We helped each other get back on our feet.” Clint saw a hint of betrayal in Phil’s eyes. “I’m not Riley’s father, Phil. You are.”

“What?” Phil was frozen in shock. It couldn’t be.

“She didn’t find out until after we thought you were dead. Audrey called me because she needed help with Riley. She knew she wouldn’t be around much longer.”

Still trying to grasp all that Clint had told him, Phil went to a chair at the table and sat.  

“He’s my son?”

Clint saw the confusion and shock on Phil’s face. He sat in the closest chair and leaned towards him.

“Riley is your son, Phil. You and Audrey are his parents.” Clint scooted a bit closer. “This is a lot to take in and you’ve got a lot to think about now. We’ve got a lot to talk about, too, and Riley needs to get to know you. I think if we ease him into it, he’ll come to love you before you know it and he’ll be all yours just like it’s supposed to be.”

“Clint, what are you talking about?”

“Riley’s your son. He belongs with you.”

Clint said it so simply as if it was a fact. Phil shook his head.

“He thinks you’re his father.”

Pulling away a bit, Clint sighed. “Well, everyone thought you were dead up until two days ago. In time, with you and me helping, we’ll tell him the truth when we think the time’s right.” Clint took another deep breath and let it out. This was harder than he thought it’d be. He was going to lose Riley and his gut knotted up just thinking about not reading to him every night or making his breakfast in the mornings. “We can start out slow, you know.”

“No,” Phil whispered.

There was no way Clint heard that word coming from Phil.

“It’s impossible. I can’t.”

“Why not?” Clint stilled feeling his heart grow cold.

“Clint, you’ve no idea how complicated and dangerous my life has become regardless of how much I’ve betrayed you by keeping the fact that I’m alive a secret. There is no place for a child in the world I have to live in. You of all people should understand that.”

Phil flinched when Clint jerked to his feet knocking the chair back.

Clint paced back and forth barely able to contain his fury.

“That fucking project must’ve done more than rearrange the furniture in your brain!” Clint bit out as he kept pacing. He stopped and glared daggers at Phil. “What the hell do you think I did, Phil! I changed my life for Riley, to give him as normal one as I could manage. That’s what parents do!”

“My life is too dangerous for anyone to be around, let alone a child.”

“This isn’t about you, Phil!” Clint yelled. “It’s about Riley and how you do what’s best for him, put him first…ahead of everything else!”

Phil watched Clint rub his face and knew how close he was to hitting him a second time. When Clint brought his hands down, he saw how red his eyes were. Phil hated the pain on Clint’s face and that he was the reason for it. He’d do anything to take it away, but didn’t know how.

“You were dead, Phil. All that got me through those first months was knowing that I was doing some good in the world. You always saw me as a better man than I thought I was and I wasn’t going to disgrace your memory or the faith you put in me.” Clint went to Phil. “I couldn’t think of a better way to honor you or fulfill what you wanted for me than by raising your son. I changed my entire life for Riley and put him first because that’s what I thought you would want.”

“Thank you,” Phil whispered. “I can’t think of anyone who…”

“Fuck you!” Clint bit out. “Just…fuck…you.”

“Clint, I’m in no way capable of being a father. Too much has happened and the person you keep talking about doesn’t exist anymore.”

“Is this about your hand?” Clint asked. “Riley’s been to Avenger HQ. He’ll see it as just another Stark toy.”

“I wish it were that simple.” His mind flashed back to his hand on Grant Ward’s chest, killing him, the look on Fitz’s face afterwards and the realization of how his own desperation, need for vengeance and uncaring of the costs had brought him to this point. “It’s possible to walk away from the darkness of our lives filled with horrific violence and death. You’re proof of it, Clint. The difference between you and me is that I went to the one place you never went in all of our years of working together.”

“Which is?”

“The one you never come back from.”

Clint said nothing as Phil turned and walked away. He didn’t move from his spot while his former handler, the man he still loved, grabbed his coat and left. Hearing the car driving away, Clint sunk down into a chair and buried his face in his hand.   


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short update. Planning on another one tomorrow night.

Phil wasn’t sure how long he’d driven when he found the tavern on the edge of town. He counted a total of six cars in the parking lot and decided a drink was just the thing. Once inside, he took the table in the back and ordered a single malt.

A son. He had a son. Phil had nearly said it aloud to help him get a better grip on the concept. He could still see Riley’s face. Deep blue eyes had gazed back at him. Phil considered going back to Clint’s to try to fix the messes he was continuing to make, but what would he say? Clint had been raising his son all this time and Phil would do anything for his forgiveness.

Hearing a glass set in front of him, Phil looked up to see Tony. He slid it close and the billionaire sat across from him.

“Phil Coulson, agent of SHIELD and now Dad. Former zombie,” Tony said before taking a drink from his glass.

“Did you follow me?”

“A little commiseration seemed in order. Not for you, mind you.”

“Really?” Phil almost laughed. He downed half his drink.

Tony raised his glass. “Since your arrival -.”

“You mean my kidnapping,” Phil interrupted.

“I’ve been the recipient of three spirits of Christmas,” Tony finished. “Past, present, and future. If I don’t change my ways, I’ll spend my eternity being lectured by the old man. Shocking the asshole hasn’t bothered to haunt me already.”

“I know I’m going to regret this,” Phil dryly responded. “What do you mean?”

“Captain ‘Mr. Perfect’ America, my own personal Christmas Past for one. His speeches are always uplifting. Then there’s Pepper,” Tony sighed.

“Didn’t take it well, did she?”

“Mrs. Christmas Present was happily crying, talked up your many lunches together and is likely at this very moment on a plane here to be fake-pissed before she hugs you like a new kitten.”

Phil smiled a little. He had missed Pepper. “And Christmas future? If I get a morbid funeral scene, I’m leaving.”

“Friday,” Tony said. “Call her the female Jarvis without the sarcasm, but still quite the mother hen. I’m having a snow party tomorrow afternoon.”

“A snow party? Stark, no snow is in the forecast for the next several days.”

“Forecasters lie, Phil, and the proof will be tomorrow where there will be six inches of snow for a five-mile radius.”

“You’re going to make it snow.” Phil couldn’t hide the pessimism.

“Just call it a minor lake-effect snow event. I’m using a couple of ponds for precipitation and Friday will provide the lake-effect part long enough for sledding, s’mores and hot cocoa. The works.”

“So what words of wisdom did your AI provide you for the future.”

“You should be there,” Tony simply stated. “Everyone else will be. I dropped it on Riley earlier and he’s a persistent tyke. Clint has yet to figure out how to say no to the kid. Besides, he’s never been on a sled.”

“Riley?”

“Neither of them. It’s something to do with Clint never having a childhood and giving one to Riley in spades.”

Phil shook his head. “Clint will leave if he sees me there. Tonight didn’t go so well.”

Tony chuckled a little. “Got the shock of your life tonight and you were the king of bad reactions. Well, actually I’m the king of that, but you were probably a close runner up.”

“Clint wants me to take Riley.”

“Huh.” Tony couldn’t have been more surprised. “Didn’t see that one coming. Riley’s his life. He made that clear when he moved here with a kid in tow.”

“It’s his idea of doing right by Riley.” Phil toyed with the glass with Clint’s face floating before him. The urge to run back to him was strong.

“And both of you are such selfless bastards,” Tony muttered. He finished off his drink and stood. “Rogers will tear one of my appendages off and beat me over the head for doing this, but fuck it. Living dangerously is what I do best.”

“What, Stark?”

“If you don’t show up tomorrow, I’m sending Bruce after you and not in his everyday suit either.”

“You know where Banner is?”

“Let’s just say I’m working on a Christmas present for our resident Widow.”

~*~

When Clint was sure Riley was sleeping, he went out to the back porch where Barney sat. His brother held up a beer and despite the cold, Clint took it. He twisted off the cap and took a long drink.

“How’d it go with the deadbeat?” Barney asked.

“Don’t start,” Clint responded.

“Hey, I can’t be pissed?”

“Not in front of Riley,” Clint sharply answered. He sighed. “Phil doesn’t want him.”

Barney sat up suddenly and leaned forward. “You tellin’ me you tried to give Riley to him? After everything?”

“Riley’s his, Barn. Phil…”

“Fuck that!” Barney said cutting him off. “I took you for naïve sometimes, kid, but dumb sure as hell wasn’t one of them.”

“What the hell am I supposed to do? Phil is Riley’s father and he should be raising him.”

“Don’t do a damn thing, Clint. You said yourself Phil doesn’t want him. End of story.”

“Fuck your KISS methodology,” Clint muttered. “In a few days, Phil will come around.”

Clint wasn’t even sure he believed that. Phil had changed and he didn’t know what to do about it. The obscenely competent man he’d know, that had saved his own life more times than Clint could count, was nowhere to be seen. That Phil Coulson was quick to smile, could be the worst nerd on the planet and had been more than a friend to Clint. He’d been the first person Clint had ever trusted in his life.

“Even if he does, you give Riley up to him and I swear I will fucking kick your ass,” Barney swore. He took a long pull of his beer. “I’m not telling you this just because I love that kid, I do. You do it and it’ll be the worst mistake of your life. There won’t be any undoing it and regrets are a fucking bitch.”

Clint took a hard look at his brother who was looking straight head and gripping the beer until his knuckles whitened.

“Barney?”

“There was this girl about six years ago,” Barney began. “Tonya. She was working at this bar in Columbus. We were together for about six months or so. Broke it off when an old boyfriend showed up. A few months later she calls me up and tells me she’s having my kid. Shit, back then I was still up to my neck in petty crimes and feeding my habit.”

“You had a kid?”

“Yeah.” Barney faintly smiled. “A little girl. We signed some papers and she went to an adoption agency.” He closed his eyes and took a moment before speaking. “Sometimes I lay awake in bed trying to imagine what she looked like. Maybe she’ll have Momma’s eyes, smile or something. Then I think about what she’d want for her birthday on those days. Even went to fucking Toys R Us and pretended to pick something out for her.”

“Barney, you can track her down. Stark’s got people that could help.”

“And do what? Some ex-con ex-carnie trash suddenly appears out of nowhere calling himself her father?” Barney finished off the bottle and set it down. “No way in hell would I do that to her, Clint. She’s got a normal family life and she’ll keep it if I’ve got anything to say about it.”

“What if she doesn’t?” Clint asked. “What if her childhood is as fucked up as ours?”

“I refuse to think otherwise,” Barney informed him. “Clint, I was no kind of man to be raising a kid and I knew it. A part of me will regret signing those papers for the rest of my life, but the biggest part says it was the best thing I ever did. Now, Phil Coulson is nine kinds of dick for what he did, but I know when a man is in a bad place and his is a dark one.”

Clint couldn’t argue that. The light in Phil’s eyes was gone.

“Besides, you never got over him and you never will.”

“I know,” Clint whispered. “I love him, Barney, but I don’t know if I can forgive him either.”

They spent the rest of the evening in silence.


	6. Chapter 6

Everyone in Avenger HQ had stopped laughing at Tony’s insane plan to make it snow once they saw the first snowflakes floating down. It started at dawn and by noon four inches of the white stuff covered the ground. Much of the facility emptied out to enjoy the winter wonderland.

Clint parked the SUV at the curb to see trainees, staff and a few Avengers enjoying the weather. Campfires were set up not far from the ridge where the sledding had gotten off to a start. Stations for hot cocoa and s’mores were set not far. It was most definitely the snow party Tony Stark had promised.

“Daddy! Out!” Riley excitedly yelled.

“I’m coming.”

He got out of the car and helped Riley out of his car seat. Clint had just closed the door when Riley took off. He hurried to catch him and halted when he saw Riley stop where Phil was standing with Maria.

Riley smiled at Phil and was talking and eagerly waving his hands about. His handler was engaging Riley with ease and Clint crossed the snow to them.

“He just ran straight to me,” Phil commented.

“Yeah,” Clint answered. He was still surprised by that. “He’s been talking about playing in the snow all morning.”

“Daddy, look!” Riley pointed to the slope where sledding races were being conducted. He latched onto Clint’s hand. “Let’s go, Daddy. Go!”

“You should,” Phil told him.

“Okay.”

Clint turned to go with Riley, when the boy stopped and held out his hand towards Phil. “Phil go, too!”

Phil was startled. He looked at Clint who shrugged his shoulders and grinned.

“I think that’s an order.”

Nothing surprised Phil more than when Riley reached for is prosthetic hand. They started towards the sleds.

“I’m surprised he even remembered me.”

“Riley’s got a lockbox of a memory.” Clint gave him a brief glance. “Just like you.”

Phil was relieved when they got to the sleds. He didn’t know how to respond to that. The boy’s gloved hand was so small in his, that he instinctively held it a little tighter.

Clint got a long sled and Phil followed him and Riley to an open spot on the slope. He put it on the ground, sat on it and put both hands out for Riley. This time the boy stepped back closer to Phil.

“It’s okay, Riley. I’ll hold you,” Clint assured him.

Phil knelt next to him. “This will be so much fun, you’ll want to do it over and over,” Phil promised.

Riley stepped closer not letting go of Phil’s hand.

“I don’t think he’s gonna let go. You might as well join us. There’s enough room,” Clint told him.

“Are you sure?” After Clint’s nod, Phil wasn’t quite sure where to sit. He chose to move behind the archer and put his legs on each side of Clint’s. Phil didn’t quite know what to do with his hands.

“Come on, Riley,” Clint said. “Your turn.”

The boy came over and Clint set him in front.

“I’m gonna hold you just like this,” Clint told Riley. “I won’t let go.”

“Promise,” the boy demanded.

“Phil and I promise.” Clint looked over his shoulder. “You wanna do the honors, boss?”

Phil’s heart warmed. He hadn’t heard the name from Clint in so long. He put his hands into cold snow and pushed.

The sled dipped so suddenly, that Phil grabbed Clint’s waist to keep from falling off. His heart was pounding and when he heard Riley laughing and Clint whooping that he joined them as the sled raced down the hill.

With a skid, the sled turned at the foot of the hill and the three of them were tipped over falling to their backs with Riley splayed between Phil and Clint. All three laughed together still feeling the rush from the ride.

“Picture, Daddy!” Riley jumped on Clint and searched his pockets.

“Yeah, I got it,” Clint said with a chuckle.

As he dug for the phone, Riley moved in between them and laid on his back with a wide smile. Phil was still grinning when Clint held up the cell phone and snapped a picture.

Riley was already up and trying to pull both men to their feet. “Again! Daddy, Phil, again!”

“Who am I to argue,” Phil said sitting up. He gazed at Clint who shrugged in agreement.

After two more sled rides, Phil showed Clint and Riley the art of s’mores. They shared a large cup of hot cocoa. The day wasn’t over yet. Snow angels were a must.

An impromptu snowball fight broke out which had Tony and Clint both in the penalty box for their joined effort in using a modified baseball pitching machine to make snowballs which proved many a cold painful face-hits by the never-miss archer. That’s what happens when Captain America is the designated referee.

Before the party broke up, Phil and Clint put together the world’s best looking snowman with Riley’s help.

Phil walked with Clint and a tired Riley to the SUV. After the boy was strapped inside, Clint glanced over.

“You can come if you’d like.”

“Phil come home,” Riley said with a yawn.

After seeing a reassuring nod from Clint, Phil got into the car. By the time they got to the house, Riley was out and Phil carried him inside to his room. With Clint’s help, they got him out of the winter clothes and under the covers.

Out in the hallway, Phil watched from the doorway as Riley slept.

“He’s incredible,” Phil said with wonder. “You’ve done a great job with him.”

“He was already great when I got him. I can’t imagine what my life would be without him.”

Clint closed the door and leaned against the wall.

“Today was fun,” Clint said. “It was good to see you like this.”

There was so much Phil wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t come. The day had been so wonderful and he hated seeing it end. Phil opened his mouth to speak and instead found himself pulling Clint in for a kiss.

Their bodies fit close together as they wrapped their arms around one another. Clint kissed intently and Phil welcomed it. He could smell and taste the essence of Clint. Phil sought more as the need for one another deepened.

While Clint was reaching for the buttons on his shirt, Phil was pulling on the sweater Clint was wearing. As the clothes came off, Clint was pulling Phil into his bedroom. Not breaking the kiss, Phil closed the door behind them.

~*~

Clint wasn’t sure what it was that woke him at first. His eyes opened at feeling the body in his arms jolt. Phil was covered in sweat and in the grip of a nightmare. There was a second jolt and a shudder.

“Phil,” Clint said in a low voice. He knew to tread carefully. “Phil, wake up, babe.”

Phil suddenly jerked away and sat upright. He glanced at Clint, then averted his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Phil covered his eyes.

“It’s okay.” Clint took Phil’s hand in his. “Want to talk about it?”

“No, I can’t.” Phil shifted around and scooted off the bed. “I should leave. This was a mistake.”

“What?” Clint raised up towards Phil. “Why?”

Still shaking from the nightmare, Phil reached for his boxers.

“It can’t happen,” Phil muttered while searching for the rest of his clothes.

Dumbfounded, Clint watched Phil dress and before the man left the bedroom he grabbed his sleeper pants. He followed Phil down the stairs to the living room.

“Phil, talk to me,” Clint roughly told him.

Holding his coat in one hand and his shoes in another, Phil just said, “I think that’s supposed to be my line.”

“Yeah, it was when I needed to hear it. You need it now more than I ever fucking did.”

Phil sighed. Leave it to Clint to turn his own words back on him. He went to the chair and set the items in his hands on the floor. Clint sat on the coffee table across from him.

“Is this about your hand?” Clint gently asked.

“No. I get pissed at it, but no. I’m tie-less these days, but I’ve adjusted other than the occasional phantom pain.”

“I could tell that today when Riley grabbed it. You’re comfortable with it. I could make us some coffee or something if that’d help.”

“I’m fine.”

“Phil, I never meant for us to move this fast and if that’s why you need to leave…”

“God, Clint, no.” Phil rubbed his eyes. “It honestly has nothing to do with you. It’s me. I’m toxic for both you and Riley.”

“Let me be the judge,” Clint softly countered. “Start with telling me about your nightmare.”

“They’re worse now.” Phil leaned back and he wanted to cry when he looked at Clint. “It used to be a replay of something that happened not long ago. Now, it’s you I see. Tonight it was both you and Riley.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I was seeing someone,” Phil admitted. “It wasn’t serious, but she was a good person. Both of us were cut from the same cloth, so to speak. We were having dinner and she was murdered in front of me. Stark brought me here and after seeing you, that night it was you. Now, it’s you and Riley.”

Seeing the tears on his cheeks, Clint reached for Phil. “Jesus, Phil. I’m so sorry. Isn’t it all the more reason not to leave? To not let that bastard win over you? Over us?”

“Grant Ward.” Phil bit the name out as if it were a curse.

“Ward? It was him?”

“He was Hydra and nearly killed my entire team.”

“Fury said Ward was Hydra. Shocked the hell out of me at the time.”

“Fury told you.”

“Yeah, he did. Ward was a tight ass, but it never occurred to me he was on the dark side.”

“You knew him?”

“That crazy SOB Garrett sent Ward my way for some advanced sniper training about five years ago, I think it was. We spent a few months in a South American jungle with me training him in long distance and damn near impossible shots. You were laid up at home nursing a broken leg at the time and I was bored.”

Phil chastised himself before responding. “I read Ward’s file cover to cover and I don’t even remember it.”

“It’d be in Hydra’s files,” Clint muttered.

“What were your impressions of him? Did you reach a conclusion about his abilities?”

“Are you still after him?”

“Ward’s dead.”

Clint looked at him in confusion. “Fury said he killed Hand and a lot of good agents. The asshole is dead. What’s the point?”

“I want to know what you thought of him, professionally and personally speaking.”

“Jesus, Phil. You’re treating this like fucking after-action report. Why is it so important that you know?”

Phil edged forward. “How did I miss it? There was a Hydra agent and not just any Hydra agent. He was one of their deadliest and most talented. How could I have been so blind as to not see what was right in front of me?”

“Come on, Phil. You’ve told me more than once over the years. Even the best of us miss things. This isn’t your fault.”

“It is,” Phil said shaking his head. “It is. I should’ve done more. Should’ve intervened and got more involved with my team.”

“What are you talking about?” Phil was rambling and it scared Clint to see him like this.

“I could’ve stopped all of it!” Phil forcefully answered. “There were so many times I could’ve stepped forward, when he was vulnerable…”

“Oh, my God,” Clint breathed. He couldn’t believe his ears. “You wanted to save him. You still think you could’ve helped him.”

“I killed him.” He raised the black prosthetic for Clint to see. “With my own hand I took his life. He was barely conscious and I killed him, Clint. I’m not sorry I did it, either.”

“Fuck,” Clint bit out. He got to his feet and rubbed his face. “Phil, you saw talent in Ward. Hell, so did a lot of other people, me included. When I first got to SHIELD, you said the same things to me and Natasha both. You saved us from ourselves and made us into great agents.” He went back to Phil and kneeled. “You wanted to save Ward and you couldn’t. You had to kill him instead.”

That was guilt Phil was struggling with. If it hadn’t been for Ward’s betrayal, perhaps Phil would have come to them sooner. Clint couldn’t be sure, but it explained a lot.

Phil wiped his face. “When he killed Rosalind, I became so enraged and vengeance was all I could think about. He murdered good people, brought pain in every way possible to those around me. I keep thinking it was because I failed him and he was furious at me.”

“To hear Fury tell it, Ward was a lost cause ages ago. He murdered his own parents and brother, burned down their house. Garrett took a psychopath and honed him into a Hydra agent. There was no decent being inside of him to save by the time you got him, Phil.”

Of course, he was right, Phil thought. Clint was able to view it all objectively. He hadn’t been able to do that since the day he’d discovered Ward was an agent. A small part had held onto hope a good man still resided somewhere inside of Grant Ward.

Phil put his shoes on and stood. “I should go.”

Clint vehemently shook his head. “No, you shouldn’t. You should stay here with me and Riley. I think you need us as much as we need you.”

“Clint, I can’t abandon my responsibilities.”

“I’m not asking you to and you know it. All your reasons for walking out are running thin and you’ve only got one that’s in the way right now. You stay and I swear, Phil, it’ll be gone by morning.”

“What would that be?” Phil was tired. He just wanted to close his eyes and forget the world already, but nightmares awaited him.

“Fear. This right here,” Clint said motioning around him towards the house. “This is the first real thing you’ll ever have. It’s the normal stuff that’s more frightening than all our missions put together. Scrambled eggs and Captain Crunch cereal for breakfast, stepping on Legos in your bare feet, and an ugly stray cat walking on your car. You haven’t lived until Gray’s Anatomy night with Natasha and my brother.”

“You are an amazing father, Clint. Thank you for everything.”

Phil turned to leave and Clint calling his name stopped him.

“Phil! You’re walking out on the best life ever.”

He was too broken. Clint and Riley didn’t deserve that. “I know.”

When the door closed behind Phil, Clint swung around. He heard the text notification on his phone and stalked across the room. He swiped it on and read Barney was on his way home. Clint exited out of the app and saw the photo from earlier in the day. He’d set the photo of the three of them lying on the snow as his background. Pissed, Clint threw it and it landed on the tile floor of the kitchen. He went upstairs to bed and sleep never came.

~*~

It was Barney who found the cellphone on the floor. The glass was shattered across the photo. He picked it up and sighed. Cursing Phil all the while, he took the phone.

~*~

At 5am in the morning, Tony stumbled into his lab carrying the strongest coffee he could make. He was rubbing his eyes when he saw a cellphone with a post-it stuck to the front. Written in crooked scrawls were these two words:

FIX IT!!

BB

Tony tossed the post-it aside and turned on the phone. The lock screen photo told him the entire story and he got to work.  


	7. Chapter 7

When Phil got back to SHIELD, he found it so quiet that the only sounds he heard most of the time were his own steps. With the exception of a skeleton staff, it was mostly him roaming the hallways. The facility seemed darker than usual and without Daisy, Melinda and everyone else it was lonelier than he’d ever known it. Mack had seen to his duties as director and even the bad guys were even taking a break for the holiday.

With so little to do, Phil spent the first day doing nonessential paperwork that had been backlogged. It reminded him a lot of his time at SHIELD when he’d started out as Clint’s handler. A few times Phil would look up from his desk and expect the archer to saunter through the door and make a nest on the comfortable sofa in his old office.

Phil wondered what would have happened had he acted on his attraction, but shook away the what-ifs he imagined. That Phil would never have done it. Fraternization rules were clear even though Nick Fury would have given less than two fucks if his best agents were shacking up in between missions. Phil had been a big believer in following the rules.

Laughing at himself, Phil got to his feet and left the office. Breaking the rules was pretty much his life these days.

The following day, Phil fixed coffee and a snack. He went to the day room where agents would gather for TV, Xbox and meals. Making himself comfortable with his old Captain America throw, Phil stretched out on the leather sofa and watched Hallmark Christmas movies. They were trite, sappy and fucking depressing.

When he woke up on the sofa on Christmas Eve, Phil forced himself up and headed for a shower. Afterwards, he made another pot of coffee, went back to his place and proceeded to torture himself more with horrible predictable Christmas movies.

Phil had nodded off and he opened his eyes suddenly. A body stood in the doorway and he couldn’t make out who it was until they stepped into the room.

“Banner?”

Bruce grinned a little. “Agent Coulson.”

“What are you doing here?”

Pushing his fingers through the untamed curls, Bruce shuffled forward.

“Tony threatened to Muppet Christmas Carol me to death,” Bruce said. “No way was Gonzo going to narrate my life.”

Phil almost smiled. “So he sent you here.”

“I guess he thinks I’ll be able to talk you into coming with me.”

Phil sat up and went to the kitchen with Bruce following.

“If Tony Stark ever accepted no for an answer, Earth would tilt on its axis in shock.” Phil reached for a cup. “You don’t drink coffee, do you?”

Bruce shook his head. “The Other Guy gets a little too close to the surface. I’ll take tea if you have it.”

“Gemma keeps some on hand.” Phil searched the cabinets and found the small box. He filled a mug with water and set it on the microwave.

“Tony didn’t elaborate about why you left. Want to talk about it?”

“I didn’t think psychiatry was your field.” Phil handed him the hot tea.

“I keep telling Tony, but it doesn’t do much good.” Bruce took a sip. “Last time he supplied his own couch. I should start billing him.”

Phil sat at the table and Bruce followed suit across from him. He studied him and noted the tiredness in his eyes.

“Looks like I’m not the only one in need of talking,” Phil observed. “Tired of running?”

“Always. I figured stopping for a little while couldn’t hurt. You?”

Then Phil did chuckle. “Touché. Maybe I should be on a couch.”

“I’m sorry. That was a low blow.”

“No, it wasn’t. You remember Barton?”

“Yeah, Clint and I became good friends. I thought he and Natasha had a thing until she clued me in early on.”

“I became his handler when he was twenty-two. I was barely thirty myself at the time. For over eighteen years we’ve had each other’s backs, doctored wounds and saved one another more times than I can count.”

“He was devastated when he thought you were dead. I mean, we all took it hard, but for Clint especially, he never got over it.”

“I’ve never cared about anyone quite same as I did with Clint. I always thought it was regulation which kept me from acting on my feelings. Maybe I was running from what Clint meant to me, still does.”

“Do you know why?” Bruce asked.

“Fear,” Phil said in a low voice. He shook his head and sighed. “I’ve been afraid in my life, but how can it be of something like love?”

“Fear is weakness, vulnerability to most people,” Bruce explained. “Showing it means exposing that part of yourself you hide away. As a SHIELD agent, it’s the last thing you show to your enemies. I’m not surprised that it’s become second nature to bury.”

“Tony was right about you,” Phil said.

Bruce shyly grinned and shook his head. “No. Fear and I are pretty good friends. I’ve gotten to know it well over the years. That’s what happens when it’s your constant companion. I’ve lived in fear most of my life from the time I was a child. After my…” Bruce took a breath before continuing. “accident, I learned how much fear guided my decisions and rather than beat it, I got to know it and used it to work for me rather than the other way around.”

“I hope you’re not suggesting I follow your cue, Dr. Banner.”

“Call me Bruce. No, I think you already know what you need to do. I’m just here so I can tell Tony I gave it the good college try. I never expected you to come back with me.”

“Why are you going?”

“Natasha,” Bruce answered. “She deserves more than what I gave her when I last saw her.”

“You’ll still wind up leaving and saying goodbye,” Phil surmised.

“Maybe, but I think I’d like to grab a chance for happiness and love even if it’s just for a little while. There’s not much of a chance for a happy ending for us. Kind of like that song,” Bruce said with a sad smile.

“What song?”

“The Dance by Garth Brooks. Have you heard it?”

“I’m not that good with music.”

“Our lives are better left to chance I could’ve missed the pain, but I’d have to miss the dance.”

The words made Phil realize he wouldn’t trade his years with Clint for anything. Before he could think more on it, he heard the notification on his cell. He pulled it from his pocket and grit his teeth.

“What is it?” Bruce asked.

“Stark wouldn’t be Stark if he wasn’t a pain in the ass. My phone is supposed to be secured against unauthorized numbers.”

“That’s Tony for you.”

Phil swiped the screen and opened his text app. A photo appeared and he leaned back as he gazed at the three happy faces of himself, Clint and Riley.

“Hitting below the belt is not unusual for him as well.” Phil slid the phone over to Bruce.

Bruce glanced at it, then Phil. “Nice looking family.”

“We’re not.”

“It could be.”

“You’ve been talking to Stark too much.”

“I think I get it from Pepper, actually. She’s always checking on me behind Tony’s back.”

Phil took the phone back from Bruce and raised an eyebrow. “If I come back, do you think there is a way for Tony Stark to not get credit?”

Bruce grinned. “Not a chance.”

~*~

Clint had gone all out for Christmas. Aside from the multitude of gifts under the tree, he wanted an intimate gathering of his closest friends for Christmas Eve night. With Christmas music playing in the background and the toasting of eggnog, the Avengers were celebrating the holiday together.

Riley had gotten a few gifts early. He and Tony were on the floor putting together the Lego Millennium Falcon. Who knew Tony Stark and kids could go so well together? Clint was shaking his head as he left the bedroom back to the party. He was refilling his glass, when he heard the doorbell.

Clint went into the living room and was halted by the sight of a slender Santa Claus, red suit and all standing in the middle of the room.

“Santa go on a diet?” Clint was trying to figure who was under the white beard when he saw the eyes. Somewhere in his vision he caught Bruce and Natasha holding one another.

Santa came closer and Clint stilled when he saw those familiar bright blue eyes.

“Phil?” He could scarcely breathe.

“Merry Christmas?” Phil was sure this was the biggest mistake of his life with the shocked look on Clint’s face. Maybe he was too late to fix everything.

“What are you doing here?”

“Can we talk, Clint? Please? I’ll leave afterwards if you want.”

“Um, yeah.” Scratching his head, Clint walked past the kitchen, through the dining room out to the back porch. He turned around and watched Phil pull the beard down to hook under his chin.

“Thank you,” Phil said.

“If you plan on leaving again, I’d rather not have Riley see you right now. He was asking about you the next morning after you’d left.”

Phil had no idea on how to begin so he just blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“I love you.” When Clint stared at him speechless, he continued. “I don’t have a right to tell you that now, even though I should’ve said it years ago. I’ve fucked up our relationship from the beginning and in more ways than I ever realized, Clint. I care about you and Riley, both. I can only hope you’ll forgive me and give me another chance at doing this right.”

“You want us…both of us?”

“More than anything,” Phil told him. “I didn’t know I had commitment issues or that any of this was ever a possibility until I thought it was out of reach. I’ll likely screw it up once in a while. I think we could be a family if you’ll give me a ch…”

Phil was jerked forward and Clint was kissing him. It startled him at first, but he was quick to melt into Clint’s lips and put his arms around him.

“I love you, you crazy asshole,” Clint whispered in his mouth before kissing Phil more.

Neither noticed Riley watching them through the window with a grin and the Avengers gathering as well.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays. Sorry this is a bit late getting finished.


End file.
